Helped the clouds stay cloudy
Can I tell you about my first experience with Marijuana?
Can I tell you about my first experience with Marijuana?
Well, I wasn’t going to narrate this, but hey, mla chake
hana haya. I wasn’t used to skipping classes during my freshman years so here I
am, tired and zonked after four straight hours explaining to a lecturer why I need
marks. Seriously a simple shit of paper in the name of a CAT can determine
success? Fuck it. Anway it was all over that Friday and all that was on my mind
was vile zangu zitashika.
So I decide to pass through Comrades Kula Corner, Hapo ndio pia mimi nijitunukie chips na soda for
surviving the stormy week, Macats, ma assignments, Migogoro ya number one na
number two. I told myself “Sinitakonda!”. As usual am a man of not so much
hurry when it comes to munching, I’ll take my time read the menu, analyze my
pocket, then order. Before I was done with the last chip (am not too sure if
it’s the singular of chips), my friend Jonte called me.
Jonte: ‘Yoh Plato uko wapi?’ (My friends called me Plato because I was the closest thing to Platonic sentiments back in the day. (You know what I mean)).
Me: ‘Yoh niko hapa tu gate
Jonte: ‘Unadai aje leo si wewe ndio boss, huezi kosa kakitu najua, twende Kendriks’ au’
(Kendrik’s was our keg and makali makali sana joint, I liked to maintain my class with keg, wengine wakikunywa makali)
‘Si acha nipitie huko kwako tujue niaje, hata hizi books zangu naeza ziacha huko’
Mahesabu zangu (Sasa lazima ningepigia hii mia tano nilikuwa nayo hesabu chips @ksh 70, soda @ksh 30 balance four hundered, mtu cup tatu tatu za thate thate, sisi tuko sawa. Hata miscellaneous zikuwe mob haziwezi pita mia so kesho bado ill have ksh 100 before siku ijipange)
Finished my meal and then ‘I was that ooone’ into Jonte’s room he was listening to dancehall music of course. You don’t know how much I liked the ‘Bombohole, Go bad up your madda, tink she you bad take pon di bankrobber’ vibe! You don’t know how I used to sing, or better still flow verse to verse to Vybz Kartel songs like am the original WORLD BOSS (I still can, don’t underrate me hahaha). And yes I was born up there, there where the monkeys are a part of the diet so you know I didn’t leave behind my cool stunts. I was feeling high already listening to my drug music, kidogo kidogo nikaskia Jonte amesema
“cup tatu siwezi lewa, wacha mimi nijipin.”
I didn’t get what he really meant. I just ignored and continued.
“hio ndio pesa iko, ama uko na ya kuongezea?” I asked with a frown face.
‘Ya kuongezea ulevi au?’ Jonte r asked with a smile.
‘Pesa ya kuongezea, tuadisie mzinga, FALA!’ I replied to Jonte
(Kumbe Jonte has been my friend, tumekuwa tukibonga in class and kwa clubs but I never knew he ‘Helped the clouds stay cloudy’ as my favorite artist would say, He confessed he suspected I used it but waited to prove. How could he think of something like that??!! Hata kama nilikuwa nakaa kujua sana, sikuwa nimefikisha ujuaji hapo, I never thought of bhang, I never saw bhang.
Hey I remembered I was not mtu kijiangusha! I started narrating fake experiences with marijuana to my friend Jonte, story ikashika.
How it makes me focus, how it brings joy in my heart, how it makes ‘di gyal dem’ love me so, no sooner had I finished giving it all the praises than bounty pulled one from his stock, Kwisha! I had to behave like an original ganja head from Trelawney or the Bobo hill st. Catherine Jamaica.
‘Ni ya wapi?’ I asked
“Hii ni Shashamane brathee, nilitoka nayo mtaa hii si ya huku” he said calmly.
I started figuring out, Jonte is not just a friend but a criminal friend, how could he dare transport bhang from Nairobi to nakuru, Na inakaa alikuwa na stock juu pahali alitoa haikai ilikuwa that lonely.
Anyway I was I had to make Jonte believe mi ni ule mbaya, Actually bad like ebola plus Aids!
Me: “Mi kwanza shashamane ndio napendanga”
Jonte: ‘Yoh Plato uko wapi?’ (My friends called me Plato because I was the closest thing to Platonic sentiments back in the day. (You know what I mean)).
Me: ‘Yoh niko hapa tu gate
Jonte: ‘Unadai aje leo si wewe ndio boss, huezi kosa kakitu najua, twende Kendriks’ au’
(Kendrik’s was our keg and makali makali sana joint, I liked to maintain my class with keg, wengine wakikunywa makali)
‘Si acha nipitie huko kwako tujue niaje, hata hizi books zangu naeza ziacha huko’
Mahesabu zangu (Sasa lazima ningepigia hii mia tano nilikuwa nayo hesabu chips @ksh 70, soda @ksh 30 balance four hundered, mtu cup tatu tatu za thate thate, sisi tuko sawa. Hata miscellaneous zikuwe mob haziwezi pita mia so kesho bado ill have ksh 100 before siku ijipange)
Finished my meal and then ‘I was that ooone’ into Jonte’s room he was listening to dancehall music of course. You don’t know how much I liked the ‘Bombohole, Go bad up your madda, tink she you bad take pon di bankrobber’ vibe! You don’t know how I used to sing, or better still flow verse to verse to Vybz Kartel songs like am the original WORLD BOSS (I still can, don’t underrate me hahaha). And yes I was born up there, there where the monkeys are a part of the diet so you know I didn’t leave behind my cool stunts. I was feeling high already listening to my drug music, kidogo kidogo nikaskia Jonte amesema
“cup tatu siwezi lewa, wacha mimi nijipin.”
I didn’t get what he really meant. I just ignored and continued.
“hio ndio pesa iko, ama uko na ya kuongezea?” I asked with a frown face.
‘Ya kuongezea ulevi au?’ Jonte r asked with a smile.
‘Pesa ya kuongezea, tuadisie mzinga, FALA!’ I replied to Jonte
(Kumbe Jonte has been my friend, tumekuwa tukibonga in class and kwa clubs but I never knew he ‘Helped the clouds stay cloudy’ as my favorite artist would say, He confessed he suspected I used it but waited to prove. How could he think of something like that??!! Hata kama nilikuwa nakaa kujua sana, sikuwa nimefikisha ujuaji hapo, I never thought of bhang, I never saw bhang.
Hey I remembered I was not mtu kijiangusha! I started narrating fake experiences with marijuana to my friend Jonte, story ikashika.
How it makes me focus, how it brings joy in my heart, how it makes ‘di gyal dem’ love me so, no sooner had I finished giving it all the praises than bounty pulled one from his stock, Kwisha! I had to behave like an original ganja head from Trelawney or the Bobo hill st. Catherine Jamaica.
‘Ni ya wapi?’ I asked
“Hii ni Shashamane brathee, nilitoka nayo mtaa hii si ya huku” he said calmly.
I started figuring out, Jonte is not just a friend but a criminal friend, how could he dare transport bhang from Nairobi to nakuru, Na inakaa alikuwa na stock juu pahali alitoa haikai ilikuwa that lonely.
Anyway I was I had to make Jonte believe mi ni ule mbaya, Actually bad like ebola plus Aids!
Me: “Mi kwanza shashamane ndio napendanga”
Jonte : ‘Kwanza
hako kaflavour”
Me: “yeah that flavor makes it sweet, like my first time to…” (taste my hard earned berries of course)
He was not even afraid of lighting it in the room.
I asked him if he was no afraid of roomates and neighbours akaniambia they have no problem at all.
Who was I to care? It’s the life we are living in college, mind your own business or get mixed up in jungle affairs.
Jonte: “Tukichapa hii na tuchape cups tatu tutakuwa form”
It was around 2.30 pm, Jua ilikuwa imewaka nje ungedhani iko general meeting.
And am in my so far best friend’s room, behaving like I have tasted any other smoke except moshi ya jiko!
But ni furahi day iko nini!!!
And as usual I was not mtu wa kujiangusha so kakaitu ndani yangu kakaniambia,
(ikam iko nini!!!)
Am not sure if it’s that thing called peer pressure, or if I was just curious exploring, like am used to since I was a young.
I was surprised with just how much soft the smoke was, (Siku moja nilikuwa nimetoa fegi ya uncle mawili na sikupenda moshi ya fegi), I enjoyed inhaling iiiin like my friend bounty was doing. It is not harsh, the more it nears the finger the more it becomes sweet, (Ilibidi nikachimbe like a veteran), Puff and pass, puff and pass, unknowingly just like Adam, I ate the forbidden fruit.
We were smoking like, ‘tuliyavulia nguo lazima tuyaoge’
Till everything was ash!
All of a sudden I remembered the stories I used to hear about bhang, My friend kufa gari kufa dereva!
That it makes people mad,
That Bhang people are just bad people,
That first time you smoke bhang you laugh and laugh and laugh,
That one puff stays seven years in the head, so, like 20*7 is how many years?
That some say it has medicinal value,
That you can eat anything ukivuta bhangi, Including kukula mzizi na kukula vako.
That it is holy, How now?
(Jonte akaweka mix na volume to maximum)
The music was too clear; I could hear every word. After some few minutes I felt thirsty, kiu ingine hata ningeambiwa niteme mate singeweza. Nilieka maji kwa jag and before nijue it was halfway. A feeling told me I had taken a lot of water, half a jug at once, I started feeling like my stomach was extra full now, I was wondering how Jonte ametulia tu anachat kwa simu while nimeanza kuoana vitu in a different angle. Nikikumbuka niliona Jonte na stock I literally felt like running, Mixed thoughts, what if police were passing by and they stormed in (and I have never seen police in the compound), What if Jonte is a criminal and I don’t know, another thought was telling me Captain you have officially become a bad boy, what if wazazi wajue?
I started becoming restless, not sure of what I wanted but I was sure sitaki kukaa huko tena, What if bounty lights another? What if I get mad there and there?
I told Jonte “Acha nikam”
I left in a hurry. Without necessarily knowing where I was going. I was afraid to go to my room, ‘what if I act fishy and the pastors I live with sense I am high?’
I decided to just walk around, nobody will really care where I am going to or coming from.
But I was afraid of people.
I had a feeling that anyone looking at me would actually sense am high, I resolved to increase the speed so that no one really gets my attention, my friend I found myself running headed to the botanical garden. I realized I was running and stopped suddenly, some ladies who were hanging out there I guess after a practical on the agricultural department looked at me, Nikajua baaas! hawa wamejua am not operating on chips alone.
Ilibidi nipige u turn, like once and walk without looking back. Shida sasa ikageuka kuwa jua, I started feeling like I was literally burning me, I was feeling like a one-day child exposed to jua ya Makuyu saa saba. No Hakukuwa na kivuli around so I decided kujikokota hadi kwa hoteli nikule, I was feeling like I ate three days ago.
The more nilikuwa nakaribia hoteli the more nilikuwa najiuliza maswali, what if I behave somehow funny in the hotel? na si watu wakiniona watajua niko high? I decided to take take away, without minding the queue I went straight,
Me: “Nipee chips ya 40!”
Waiter: “Boss kuwa mpole!” The waiter shouted.
I couldn’t imagine that I would wait for the three people to be served, I was over anxious, hungry, lazy, dizzy, impatient yaani it looked like a whole year before I was served. I had managed to keep myself busy with the phone when I remembered a funny story and laughed out loudly. hapo ndio nikajua kila mtu anajua am not alone, so after I was given my bag of chips, I literally ran out to avoid more embarassament, bila hata kuchukua change, walibaki wakicheka but asiekuwepo na lake halipo that I know.
“Hata nitakulia hizi chips wapi?” another dilemma.
I decided to sit under a pine tree far from the joint, kufika hapo saa yenye tu nimetulia a couple came and sat no so far, nikaona this lazima wamekuja kunisorora. Kwanza boy alikuwa na boots na dem alikuwa na sura ya GSU ama Askari wa prison at once kitu ikaniambia this is police.
I started smelling my arms to make sure I don’t have the smell evidence, when they started laughing nikajua hawa next move ni kunikamata. I had to change the place, nikaenda karibu na zizi la ngombe, I didn’t like how the cows were looking at me, like they were hungry and want to eat me, I decided nipande na hizo chips Vybz (a distance of 1km) place ya pool at least guys there hata wakiona niko high I know it’s not a surprise to them. Nikapata kuna mabeste zangu kadhaa although not so much into them but we regularly meet on Fridays pale amazon, Kitu ikaniambia hawa wataniomba ziishe!
Singesimama hapo! so I decided kuenda kwa dame yangu at once, I was convincing myself that madem hawaezi jua mtu akiwa high, but vile nilipewa kiss nikaulizwo, nini hio umevuta? my friend niliskia wasiwasi ingine, I told her tulikuwa goat eating huko botanical garden so maybe ni moshi ya choma.
Surprisingly akakubali. Then I knew she knows nothing about that shit. Kurarua chips alishtukia niko ya mwisho na hajaonja, akaniuliza wewe ndio umekula nyama, I thought hata chips ni zangu. You know am not a fan of choma so sikukula mob and excused myself to sleep kidogo nimechoka. Luckily alikuwa anatoka, my friend the next time I woke up was next day, very tired and confused, I was feeling like am actually the opposite of me.
Funny thing is kashetani Fulani kalikuwa kananiambia nimtafute Jonte tena, I cursed that devil, if I had a gun I would say shoot that devil, Ningekuwa Rasta ningesema fire burn that devil for I and I!!
Vitabu zangu sijawahi endea hata wa leo.
(Inspired by a true story)
Me: “yeah that flavor makes it sweet, like my first time to…” (taste my hard earned berries of course)
He was not even afraid of lighting it in the room.
I asked him if he was no afraid of roomates and neighbours akaniambia they have no problem at all.
Who was I to care? It’s the life we are living in college, mind your own business or get mixed up in jungle affairs.
Jonte: “Tukichapa hii na tuchape cups tatu tutakuwa form”
It was around 2.30 pm, Jua ilikuwa imewaka nje ungedhani iko general meeting.
And am in my so far best friend’s room, behaving like I have tasted any other smoke except moshi ya jiko!
But ni furahi day iko nini!!!
And as usual I was not mtu wa kujiangusha so kakaitu ndani yangu kakaniambia,
(ikam iko nini!!!)
Am not sure if it’s that thing called peer pressure, or if I was just curious exploring, like am used to since I was a young.
I was surprised with just how much soft the smoke was, (Siku moja nilikuwa nimetoa fegi ya uncle mawili na sikupenda moshi ya fegi), I enjoyed inhaling iiiin like my friend bounty was doing. It is not harsh, the more it nears the finger the more it becomes sweet, (Ilibidi nikachimbe like a veteran), Puff and pass, puff and pass, unknowingly just like Adam, I ate the forbidden fruit.
We were smoking like, ‘tuliyavulia nguo lazima tuyaoge’
Till everything was ash!
All of a sudden I remembered the stories I used to hear about bhang, My friend kufa gari kufa dereva!
That it makes people mad,
That Bhang people are just bad people,
That first time you smoke bhang you laugh and laugh and laugh,
That one puff stays seven years in the head, so, like 20*7 is how many years?
That some say it has medicinal value,
That you can eat anything ukivuta bhangi, Including kukula mzizi na kukula vako.
That it is holy, How now?
(Jonte akaweka mix na volume to maximum)
The music was too clear; I could hear every word. After some few minutes I felt thirsty, kiu ingine hata ningeambiwa niteme mate singeweza. Nilieka maji kwa jag and before nijue it was halfway. A feeling told me I had taken a lot of water, half a jug at once, I started feeling like my stomach was extra full now, I was wondering how Jonte ametulia tu anachat kwa simu while nimeanza kuoana vitu in a different angle. Nikikumbuka niliona Jonte na stock I literally felt like running, Mixed thoughts, what if police were passing by and they stormed in (and I have never seen police in the compound), What if Jonte is a criminal and I don’t know, another thought was telling me Captain you have officially become a bad boy, what if wazazi wajue?
I started becoming restless, not sure of what I wanted but I was sure sitaki kukaa huko tena, What if bounty lights another? What if I get mad there and there?
I told Jonte “Acha nikam”
I left in a hurry. Without necessarily knowing where I was going. I was afraid to go to my room, ‘what if I act fishy and the pastors I live with sense I am high?’
I decided to just walk around, nobody will really care where I am going to or coming from.
But I was afraid of people.
I had a feeling that anyone looking at me would actually sense am high, I resolved to increase the speed so that no one really gets my attention, my friend I found myself running headed to the botanical garden. I realized I was running and stopped suddenly, some ladies who were hanging out there I guess after a practical on the agricultural department looked at me, Nikajua baaas! hawa wamejua am not operating on chips alone.
Ilibidi nipige u turn, like once and walk without looking back. Shida sasa ikageuka kuwa jua, I started feeling like I was literally burning me, I was feeling like a one-day child exposed to jua ya Makuyu saa saba. No Hakukuwa na kivuli around so I decided kujikokota hadi kwa hoteli nikule, I was feeling like I ate three days ago.
The more nilikuwa nakaribia hoteli the more nilikuwa najiuliza maswali, what if I behave somehow funny in the hotel? na si watu wakiniona watajua niko high? I decided to take take away, without minding the queue I went straight,
Me: “Nipee chips ya 40!”
Waiter: “Boss kuwa mpole!” The waiter shouted.
I couldn’t imagine that I would wait for the three people to be served, I was over anxious, hungry, lazy, dizzy, impatient yaani it looked like a whole year before I was served. I had managed to keep myself busy with the phone when I remembered a funny story and laughed out loudly. hapo ndio nikajua kila mtu anajua am not alone, so after I was given my bag of chips, I literally ran out to avoid more embarassament, bila hata kuchukua change, walibaki wakicheka but asiekuwepo na lake halipo that I know.
“Hata nitakulia hizi chips wapi?” another dilemma.
I decided to sit under a pine tree far from the joint, kufika hapo saa yenye tu nimetulia a couple came and sat no so far, nikaona this lazima wamekuja kunisorora. Kwanza boy alikuwa na boots na dem alikuwa na sura ya GSU ama Askari wa prison at once kitu ikaniambia this is police.
I started smelling my arms to make sure I don’t have the smell evidence, when they started laughing nikajua hawa next move ni kunikamata. I had to change the place, nikaenda karibu na zizi la ngombe, I didn’t like how the cows were looking at me, like they were hungry and want to eat me, I decided nipande na hizo chips Vybz (a distance of 1km) place ya pool at least guys there hata wakiona niko high I know it’s not a surprise to them. Nikapata kuna mabeste zangu kadhaa although not so much into them but we regularly meet on Fridays pale amazon, Kitu ikaniambia hawa wataniomba ziishe!
Singesimama hapo! so I decided kuenda kwa dame yangu at once, I was convincing myself that madem hawaezi jua mtu akiwa high, but vile nilipewa kiss nikaulizwo, nini hio umevuta? my friend niliskia wasiwasi ingine, I told her tulikuwa goat eating huko botanical garden so maybe ni moshi ya choma.
Surprisingly akakubali. Then I knew she knows nothing about that shit. Kurarua chips alishtukia niko ya mwisho na hajaonja, akaniuliza wewe ndio umekula nyama, I thought hata chips ni zangu. You know am not a fan of choma so sikukula mob and excused myself to sleep kidogo nimechoka. Luckily alikuwa anatoka, my friend the next time I woke up was next day, very tired and confused, I was feeling like am actually the opposite of me.
Funny thing is kashetani Fulani kalikuwa kananiambia nimtafute Jonte tena, I cursed that devil, if I had a gun I would say shoot that devil, Ningekuwa Rasta ningesema fire burn that devil for I and I!!
Vitabu zangu sijawahi endea hata wa leo.
(Inspired by a true story)
Noma, hizi si ni zile vitu mzazi warned you about LOL
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